Warning: snark

  1. Blub framework is hacked together in a weekend. It is lean and mean, and solves all the problems of Blub domain.
  2. Pre-Blub users look at Blub, think it’s really cool but doesn’t have any libraries, so they pass.
  3. Blub framework is noticed by smart people, who begin building cool, interesting solutions with it.
  4. Blub now has its own website and learning guides.
  5. `${UNICORN_VIRAL_STARTUP}` adopts Blub, and now everyone pays attention.
  6. The first Blub conference is held in San Francisco.
  7. $BIG_COMPANY_HERE adopts Blub. Giant codebases are written in Blub. Papers are written about Blub. You can get a career in Blub.
  8. Some users complain that apps written in Blub are too slow. Nobody pays attention.
  9. Starry-eyed devs try to write lightweight replacements for Blub (blu, lub, blub-lite, lite-blub, pblub), but they never seem to gain traction.
  10. Blub now has its own extension / plugin ecosystem. Maybe even its own language, conveniently hidden in f"{CURRENT_CONFIG_FORMAT}".
  11. Devs now start to complain about Blub tooling (not Blub) being too heavyweight for their format!("{} MacBook", TWO_YEARS_AGO). That doesn’t stop Blub-standard from being the #1 starred project on Github.
  12. Some startups start using Blub for Glorp domain. This horrifies Orange website viewers, but not enough of them to matter.
  13. Blub now has its own International Standards Organization and Working groups. They mostly comprise bored megacorp employees trying to get their side projects into Blub.
  14. Glorp domain becomes really important, so more devs start using Blub for Glorp domain. Even those that should know better.
  15. Users lash out on #{CURRENT_SOCIAL_MEDIA} about slow products and unreliable service. Turns out Blub really only applied to Blub domain, not to Glorp domain. Oops!
  16. People try to write new frameworks for Glorp, but their managers keep telling them “Don’t reinvent the wheel” and “Reuse legacy code” (aka. be fungible).
  17. Blubx emerges, an extension language for Blub that transpiles to Glorp. All your Blub code is automatically Blubx code.
  18. Blubx takes the world by storm. People trip over themselves to write transpilers, minifiers, optimizers, linkers (aka. macroexpand) for Blubx.
  19. $BIG_COMPANY_HERE adopts Blubx. Giant codebases are written in Blubx. Papers are written about Blubx. You can get a career in Blubx.
  20. The cracks in Blubx start to show. Users complain that it is still too slow, devs complain that the transpilation process is too confusing.
  21. Not to worry, Blubx now has a swath of consultants, ready to help you tidy up your codebase and optimize your Blubx code for Glorp. All for the low, low price of $300/h.
  22. Finally having had enough, %SENIOR_DEV% quits $PRONOUN Blubx job, takes a 2 year sabbatical, and thinks to $REFLEXIVE_PRONOUN: How can we really solve the problems of the Glorp domain?
  23. GOTO 1.

Software is getting slower, more rapidly than hardware is becoming faster.

- Niklaus Wirth, 1995. A Plea for Lean Software.


  1. Pronoun = Him/Her/They/…
  2. Reflexive Pronouns = Himself/Herself/Themselves/…
  3. I hope this English lesson is the biggest takeaway from this article.
  4. CURRENT_CONFIG_FORMAT of the day is JSON, but some people insist on writing in Yaml. Poor souls.
  5. I considered a custom location for the first Blub conference, but honestly, where else would it be?
  6. No Blub article is complete without linking the source of all Blubs.
  7. Don’t try and guess what Blub is.

Epilogue (in no particular order)

  1. Blub gets taught at your local high school.
  2. Blub’s creator gets hired by Microsoft DevDiv.
  3. Blub’s creator makes a programming language that nobody cares about.
  4. Blub’s creator makes a programming language that many people care about.
  5. Blub gets added to #{YOUR_FAVORITE_REPL_SITE}
  6. Your mom asks you if you’re working with Blub.